Via Fark, the Associated Press reports:

A man tried to use a stun gun to fend off a carjacker and ended up being shot five times.

...While trying to reach for his money, the man also pulled out his stun gun and shocked the carjacker. But the carjacker reacted by shooting the man at least five times, [Atlanta police Sgt. Lisa] Keyes said.

...Keyes stressed the importance of simply giving up the vehicle when confronted by a carjacker.

Bzzt, wrong. The correct answer was: "Quit messing around with Tasers and get a real gun."

Go to YouTube, find a video of a band from the 80's or 90's, and read all the comments from kids who are hearing them for the first time.

Examples:

Comment on Guns N' Roses' Sweet Child O' Mine:

The singer is kinda weird at first but u get used to him

Comment on Aerosmith's Cryin':

Whos the girl in this vid,, iv seen her loads =S whats her name??

Comment on Van Halen's Jump:

The singer, I forgot his name, kinda has a creepy way of moving, but maybe it was just the 80's.

Sigh. I'm going to go play some shuffleboard now. Get off my lawn!

CLEVELAND, OHIO (Rooters) — If reculsive artist Bill Watterson has his way, it will soon become illegal to own copies of his beloved Calvin & Hobbes comic strips — and even Stupendous Man may be powerless to stop him.

Breaking a long period of seclusion in which he granted no interviews and issued virtually no public statements, Watterson, creator of the wildly popular and critically acclaimed “Calvin & Hobbes”, has announced that he is seeking the total destruction of all copies of the strip in any form.

Watterson’s unwavering refusal to merchandise his characters is well-known, but his latest decision raises his commitment to the purity of his art to a new, and some would say too extreme, level.

“I’ve always believed that merchandising and licensing cheapens the original creation,” Watterson wrote in a statement faxed to Universal Press Syndicate, which distributed the strip from 1985 to 1995, and Andrews McMeel Publishing, which published 18 bestselling collections of it in book form, including a massive 22-pound, 1440-page “Complete” edition in 2005.

“My decision to destroy all copies of the strip itself is simply the logical extension of this core belief,” the statement continued. “When cartoon characters appear on countless products, the public inevitably grows bored and irritated with them, and the appeal and value of the original work are diminished. But when the public can simply read the original work over and over again, the same boredom and irritation inevitably follow. The only solution is to destroy the strip itself. It will live on for a few years as a fond memory, and then fade away entirely. And that’s the way it should be.”

Watterson is hardly the first artist to destroy one of his own creations. But he is almost certainly the most successful, making the execution of his decree a daunting logistical challenge. Under existing copyright law, owners of Calvin & Hobbes books must return any and all copies to Andrews McMeel Publishing by the end of the year, where they will be shredded and pulped in a warehouse specially converted for the task. Saving old newspaper copies of the strip will also become technically illegal.

In a press conference today, representatives from Mr. Watterson’s legal team admitted that while pulling the books from stores and libraries will be relatively straightforward, Watterson’s demands would be difficult to enforce against individual consumers. They announced the establishment of a website where people can report friends or acquaintances who may be hoarding old books or clippings.

“We’re counting on the support of the public to make sure Bill’s wishes are fully respected on this one,” said attorney Dionne Levchak, of intellectual property law firm Levchak Barnes & Groder, tasked with overseeing the execution of Watterson’s decree.

However, other legal scholars doubted that Watterson would ever be able to achieve the complete destruction of his strip. “Is he going to start suing college kids and grandmothers, like the RIAA?” asked Stanford law professor and copyright expert Lawrence Lessig, referring to the recording industry’s controversial prosecutions of people suspected of illegally downloading copyrighted music over the Internet. “It’s completely unworkable. It’s copyright law run amok.”

Lessig added that he was preparing a legal challenge to Watterson’s demand. But if it fails, then workable or not, the era when readers could legally own and enjoy Calvin’s adventures could be over just two months from now. That’s one cliffhanger not even Spaceman Spiff would appreciate.

This prank is pure awesome:


A bike, of course, could have passed right through.

Via Fark, the Daily Telegraph reports on a true hardcore biker:

A JAPANESE biker failed to notice his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for 2km, leaving a friend to pick up the limb.

The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of Tokyo, yesterday, when he was unable to negotiate a curve in the road and bumped into the central barrier, the Mainichi Shimbun said.

He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying.

The man and his leg were taken to hospital, but the limb had been crushed in the collision, the paper said.

That's why you should always use your rear brake, not just the front brake: So you know if your right leg is missing.

From the eHow.com article, "How to Have a Lion Dance at a Chinese Wedding":

Step One
Decide how elaborate a performance you want and how many lions. (One or two lions is customary.) Remember that the "lions" are costumes that are manipulated by dancers.

I shudder to think of the poor souls who missed this key bit of advice and hired actual lions.

Did you know that the Bridal Chorus (you know, the "Here Comes the Bride" music) is not usually played at Jewish weddings — because it was composed by Richard Wagner, a notorious anti-semite whose music and essays are believed to have inspired Hitler?

I didn't either; I just found it out while Googling for Jewish wedding music. So we've ditched the Bridal Chorus in favor of the popular Jewish substitute, Baruch Haba.

If you think Americans are provincial and ignorant of other cultures, these Amazon.com customer reviews of Planet Earth will do little to change your mind:

David Attenbrough [sic] just doesn't measure up to Sigorney [sic].

I expected Sigourney Weaver's voice and got John Cleese.

My wife and I were entranced by the beautiful music, the soothing voice of Ms. Weaver, and the astonishing videography. What we go was rather different. Mr. Attenboroughs nasal british accent is quite annoying

If only they had gotten someone with a voice that would do the series justice. David Attenbrough's [sic] monotone is not the timbre voice that this series needed

I would have prefered Mrs. Weaver as narritor [sic] But Mr. Attenborough was o.k.

This is the British Version. I can't find the American version, which is narated by Sigourney Weaver, not some British guy, on Amazon. Otherwise I think the content is the same, but Sigourney is better.

Sigh... Sigourney Weaver narrating a BBC nature documentary is about as appropriate as Sir David battling killer space aliens.

Ezra Klein is puzzled by American vacation habits:

Every other advanced economy offers a government guarantee of paid vacation to its workforce. Britain assures its workforce of 20 days of guaranteed, compensated leave. Germany gives 24. And France gives, yes, 30.

We guarantee zero. Absolutely none. That's why one out of 10 full-time American employees, and more than six out of 10 part-time employees, get no vacation. And even among workers with paid vacation benefits, the average number of days enjoyed is a mere 12. In other words, even those of us who are lucky enough to get some vacation typically receive just over a third of what the French are guaranteed.

This is strange. Of all these countries, the United States is, by far, the richest. And you would think that, as our wealth grew and our productivity increased, a certain amount of our resources would go into, well, us. Into leisure. Into time off.

Upcoming Klein columns will no doubt include "How come we have so many people in prison if crime is down", and "Why don't physically fit people stop working out so much and eat some donuts already?"

Japanese company Toto makes the Washlet, a robo-toilet that sprays a jet of water to cleanse your nether regions and then dries you off, making toilet paper virtually unnecessary. I have similar units in my new house, and they're awesome. But it's definitely a hard sell until you've tried one for yourself.

Blogger Gen Kanai notes that Toto is now marketing the Washlet in America; check out this comprehensive flash-based website. It's kind of funny to watch the actors on the site talk about the product while dancing around the subject of what it's actually doing.

Ladies and gentlemen, the inimitable Danny Choo:


Via Jean Snow. (I previously blogged about Danny's stormtrooper antics here.)

The New York Times reports on the first recorded instance of a rider being saved by Honda's airbag-equipped Goldwing (which I blogged about here):

Returning to the office from lunch on his 2007 Honda Gold Wing motorcycle one day this spring, Lou O’Connell got a glimpse into the future, if only by two seconds or so. A car pulled out of a shopping center in Weston, Fla., near Fort Lauderdale, and into his path. He could see that he was going to hit the car.

Mr. O’Connell said that although he did not expect to be killed in the impending crash — becoming one of the 5,000 or so motorcycle riders who will die on American roads this year if recent trends continue — he knew that at the very least he was about to go flying over the handlebars.

But then there was a bang and a cloud of powder in front of him. Though the front of his bike had slammed the passenger side of a black Nissan 350Z, Mr. O’Connell found himself nearly uninjured — intact enough to lay down the bike and stride over with some well-chosen words for the car’s driver.

That's good news. But the Times spends the rest of the article wondering what could possibly be causing a rise in fatal motorcycle crashes:

Riding a motorcycle is becoming riskier. Deaths last year increased by 5.4 percent over 2005, according to preliminary estimates of the federal Fatality Analysis Reporting System, and are up for the ninth consecutive year. Deaths have increased 125 percent over 10 years, a period in which registrations rose more than 50 percent.

Even when adjusted for more bikes covering more miles, the picture is grim. While the death rate for people in vehicles fell by about 17 percent for each mile traveled over that period, the rate for motorcycle riders more than doubled, according to the report.

That timeline coincides with factors including a rising average age of riders, more powerful engines and the repeal of state laws requiring universal helmet use, in part a result of pressure applied by lobby groups that persuaded legislators to “let the rider decide.”

So, what is causing all these crashes? Older riders? More powerful bikes? Helmet law repeals? I suspect the answer is "none of the above." Look at the very example that leads off the Times article itself: A car pulled out of a shopping center in Weston, Fla., near Fort Lauderdale, and into his path. Maybe, just maybe, the increasing number of bike crashes is due to the increasing number of careless, unskilled, and distracted car drivers on America's roads.

Aseel al-Omari is a self-described "close friend" of Mohammed Asha, a suspect arrested in connection with last week's failed terrorist attack on Glasgow Airport in Scotland.

The Associated Press reports that al-Omari said the following in defense of her friend:

"He was a good Muslim but never a terrorist or involved in such activities," she added.

Emphasis mine. Apparently, al-Omari thinks it's noteworthy for a good Muslim not to be a terrorist. Hey, she said it, not me.

I can't wait to see the big showdown between Optimus Prime and Megatron.

Movie? What movie?

The Associated Press brings us another sweet, sweet story about the Chinese government freaking out at the realization that it can't perfectly control the media — especially the media of other countries with that whole pesky "freedom of the press" thing:

China warned the media Tuesday against exaggerating its food safety problems and stirring consumer panic, even as officials announced dozens of snacks for children had failed standards and more fake blood protein was found in hospitals.

China's dismal product safety record — both within and outside its borders — has increasingly come under the spotlight as its goods make their way through global markets. Major buyers such as the United States, Japan, and the European Union have pushed Beijing to improve inspections.

"I think it would be better if the media would stop playing up this issue," Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Qin Gang said at a regular news briefing.

Hey, Gang, you know what? I think it would be better if China would stop exporting contaminated food, deadly toothpaste, and poisonous toys. How about it?

Via Unfogged, Reuters reports:

A young clerk with no knowledge of the 1989 Tiananmen Square crackdown allowed a tribute to victims slip into the classified ads page of a newspaper in southwest China, a Hong Kong daily reported on Wednesday.

The tiny ad in the lower right corner of page 14 of the Chengdu Evening News on Monday night, read: "Paying tribute to the strong(-willed) mothers of June 4 victims".

...Hong Kong's South China Morning Post said a young woman on the Chengdu Evening News classified section had allowed the ad to be published because she'd never heard of the June 4 crackdown.

Heh.

I first posted this at Unfogged. With apologies to David Letterman, here we go:

Top ten initiatives of President Bloomberg's first 100 days in office

10. Federally limit all hot sauces to a maximum of 50,000 Scoville units. There is simply no legitimate need for anything stronger. (Also, sauce makers will no longer be able to use misleading trade names like "Joe Bob's Ass-Kickin' Death Sauce.")

9. Push through legislation establishing National Fire Drill Day, along with stiff penalties for heads of households whose families don't complete the drill in time. Times will be monitored by repurposed field agents from Homeland Security.

8. Pressure Hollywood to digitally erase all cigarettes, cigars from all films made to date; replace with CGI carrot or celery sticks.

7. A new tax on fast-food companies. Tax revenues will be used to hire government employees to stand at the entrance of every McDonalds nationwide and ask patrons, "Do you really want to eat here?

6. Abortion legal? Heck, in certain cases it'll be mandatory.

5. Building on the success of his NY ban on smoking in bars, a nationwide ban on hitting on women in bars. That sort of thing belongs in the office.

4. ISP's required to automatically terminate all internet connections every 25 minutes, so users will be able to rest their eyes, go outside, and get some goddamn exercise.

3. Historic "Guns or Butter" debate replaced with new, heart-friendly "Guns or I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" debate.

2. Put federal air marshalls on every commercial flight; require them to inspect the entree for trans fats.

1. Count votes in all future elections with Bloomberg's own proprietary, highly-reliable data service, so we know they'll be fair.

From the Inside Looking In reports:

Burger King returns to Japan this Friday, with the first store opening in Nishi-Shinjuku...

The Burger King is located within the Shinjuku Island Tower building, taking over the premises of a Lotteria burger joint (the BK franchise is being developed by Lotte which owns the Lotteria chain).

Interesting to note, the Island Tower is home to McDonalds Japan’s head offices.

Just a coincidence, I'm sure.

I've been on hiatus for a while, but I simply can't fail to note this update to a story previously covered here at Riding Sun.

Via Fark, the Wall Street Journal reports:

TOKYO–All over Japan, retailers are scrambling to keep up with a new look known as "bon-kyu-bon." It means "big-small-big" and it signals a change in the way Japanese women look: they're getting curvier.

...Today, the average Japanese woman's hips, at 35 inches, are around an inch wider than those of women a generation older. Women in their 20s wear a bra at least two sizes larger than that of their mothers, according to Wacoal. Waist size, meanwhile, has gotten slightly smaller, accentuating many young women's curves.

...The physical changes are largely the result of an increasingly Westernized diet, say nutritionists. Meals that used to consist of mostly fish, vegetables and tofu now lean heavily toward an American-style menu of red meat, dairy and indulgences such as Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Cold Stone Creamery ice cream.

So the WSJ has finally caught up to this story, which I covered over a year ago. But I tip my hat to the Journal for, um, fleshing out the facts by interviewing actual Japanese women:

Nami Sakamoto, an advertising-agency employee, embodies the new look. The 26-year-old is tall – by Japanese standards – at 5 feet 5 inches. She's also voluptuous, with a 35-inch bust and 35-inch hips.

"I had a hard time finding button-down shirts that would close," says Sakamoto, especially when she was in high school and there were fewer foreign retailers in Japan that actually sold bigger sizes.

"Sometimes the buttons would burst off." Now she buys clothes at Western retailers that carry larger sizes.

The WSJ's not a bad newspaper, really. But when you need the scoop on Japanese breast sizes, you know where to turn first.

FOLLOW-UP
Fark has cravenly deleted its thread on this topic after readers complained about not being able to post pictures illustrating the trend of increasingly busty Japanese women. This is not the Fark I knew and loved.

From the NYT review of Paul Verhoeven's "Black Book":

Having first earned international attention with crudely effective Dutch entertainments like “Soldier of Orange,” Mr. Verhoeven went Hollywood, starting in the late 1980s, with increasingly slicker, steadily less effective entertainments like “Basic Instinct” and “Showgirls.”

In the movie Idiocracy, Mike Judge predicted (at 1:27 into the clip) that Fox News would use this kind of mangled English after 500 years of Americans becoming increasingly stupid. But the Times is using it today.